Honey From The Rock

I had big ideas for this Christmas break. big ideas. I made a Christmas bucket list that included knit socks, learn to play a Christmas carol on my mandolin (which I haven't touched in three years), decorate Christmas cookies, go ice skating. I think the only thing I achieved was watching White Christmas while drinking Baileys and playing poker with the family. And then I got sick. I came home under the weather as my father would say and then it just took a turn for the worse. The worse being laying in bed with a fever and being grumpy and unrealistic and mean. When I'm sick, especially fever-sick, it goes all the way into my bones and changes me. No big plans for this break, just grumpy, cranky, people-alienating days of believing all the lies. You know how sometimes in the olden days, people would hallucinate when they had really high fevers; I think I'm a little like that, my brain changes and everything looks and feels different. I cry really easy, I get upset and annoy

The sun is shining. I woke up this morning and the sun was shining. It's been raining almost since I've gotten home on Friday. Macon has thrown out all my rules about rain. In Michigan and even Chattanooga, the weather isn't regular by far, but the pattern of its quirks I've gotten used to, synced with. But in Macon, that still hasn't happened. One day it rained on and off all day and then picked up and rained steady all night and then didn't stop until the following evening. So much rain. I think the weather in Macon doesn't change as quickly maybe; in Michigan if it starts raining at night, it'll probably stop at least for awhile mid morning and shift to some other weather pattern. But in Macon, once you have rain, you've got it. So anyway, all that to say, I'm so glad the sun is shining. Maybe it's my farmer family but my mood is closely connected to the weather. Whenever I talk to my grandparents on the phone and even my parents, they'

I am drinking beer tonight. Alcohol is so closely connected to breaks for me. time off from studying and classes. Its the epitome of relaxation in my book. The perfect compliment to hanging out with friends, a cozy night with my parents, a way to celebrate an ending. Along with that, the emotionally needy puppy curled up next to me evokes the memory of breaks. Her presence is a central part of my home. When I sat down this evening, she didn't wait for the proper beckoning but jumped into my lap and buried her head in me. Right now, I stopped stroking her soft ears for a second, and so she looked up at me with her big, sad eyes that are asking, are you still there? am I still here? Dr. Kapic in my doctrine class talked about how his new puppy would always bark just for attention. He said, its like she's saying, look at me, I exist, I exist, look at me. Sometimes I feel that the puppy's cries perfectly capture my heart. Every interaction with people is me asking, you still th